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the fear
how do u lose the fear of loosing the one u luv 2 someone else,were game but still can't get over the fear that she might call and i would never know 
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| July 22, 2007, 22:57 |
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Re: the fear
Not sure I'm clear on what you're asking?
Are you looking for a threesome , but fear it could come between you and him? If that's the case, I can say that the threesome thing, and the swinging thing should only be done when a couple are in a very strong and stable relationship....
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| July 22, 2007, 23:08 |
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Re: the fear
well i luv the thought of watching him with someone esle i just don't want her 2 live so close they could get 2 gether with out me i know i'm acting crazy,and showin signs i don't trust him ,i am 11 yrs older and hav stupid fears with my owen insecurities  
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| July 22, 2007, 23:19 |
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Re: the fear
It's not that unusual for one half, or both in a relationship to have those kind of insecurities...
Hell, I gave up every friend I had when I married my husband, cuz he was insecure about where I was, and what I was doing without him.
I've also had a long term relationship with a guy that we both often went our seperate ways with friends or events...we had the ultimate thing in trust going for us, we were just as committed and fatihful seperatly as we were when we were together.
How long have you two been together?
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| July 22, 2007, 23:37 |
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Re: the fear
Most couples, BTW....agree and commit to a set of rules they make themselves when they decide to bring another person or persons into their bed.
One good rule is that the outsider never gets more attention than your spouse.
Another common rule is ...contact with the person or persons with out the prescence of the other in the couple, is absolutely forbidden!
Some of the members on here that like a threesome , or like to swing can share some of their personal rules and guidelines with you.
Pepper has replied to similiar questions here, I'll give her a heads up to your post here.
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| July 22, 2007, 23:42 |
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Re: the fear
Hi Dawn!! We have not met yet but you look like an interesting couple!!
I agree with Chazzy - before you have a threesome or invite another couple, you have to be VERY, VERY secure and have a concrete set of rules. Otherwise it will very likely cause a lot of heartache. Communication between you and your husband is crucial. Just keep talking things over and maybe different circumstances and see how eachother feel and what rule may need to be put in place for each of you to be comfortable and secure. Also, in my opinion - physical boundries such as only meeting people that are x-miles away is not a bad idea either.
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| July 23, 2007, 00:11 |
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Re: the fear
Sounds like you already know the answer to that... that you don't trust him. All I can say is that you really need to trust him if he reassures you everything would be fine and there'd be nothing to worry about. You don't think that he might've wondered that with you and some guy?? If you're worried so much about the third, then don't do it yet until you both feel comfortable and know the other wouldn't do anything without the other.
A very close friend of mine (she's on here too and really good with this kind of stuff...) has told me that communication and trust is the key to any relationship.
Good luck.
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| July 23, 2007, 05:54 |
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pepper
55 / female
daytona, Florida, US
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Re: the fear
Dawn, my husband and I have done it for a while now and the best thing I can tell you is you have to be comfortable. With yourself, your husband and with the person you're both inviting in.
When my husband and I started, we set ground rules that are unbreakable.
1) We both like the potential other, whether it's a man or a woman.
2) There is NO meeting alone, for either of you. You do it together or not at all. No drinks with the third for either of you alone.
3) If one of you is not comfortable, it doesn't happen and never go to meet a potential expecting for it to happen right away. Take your time and get to know the person, whether it's getting together for dinner, drinks, whatever. Get to know them as a person first.
4) there are only 2 people in your relationship. A third or another couple are not in your life every day and not meant to be, they are people you get together with to have fun, that' all.
In our experience it can be a lot of fun, but everyone has to understand the ground rules from the start or it's a disaster waiting to happen.
I am always a PM away, feel free to send me a note if you need any help, advice or anything like that.
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| July 23, 2007, 11:50 |
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