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How to convince my wife..........
Please tell me what you think!!!
My wife and I have this couple that we vacation with, dine with, golf with, ski with, ect, ect.......
My problem with this arrangement is my wife thinks I pay w-a-y too much attention to the other wife and not enough to her. Granted, the other woman is my best friend and she's a freakin' knockout at 52 y/o. My relationship with the other woman is possibly semi-flirtatious with a lot of innuendos bantied about, but only in the context of feelng very comfortable with each other after 13 years. We laugh at the same things such as music and drinks. Hell, if she felt threatened by me in any way, her lawyer instincts would kick in and she'd tell me to back off. I have never, nor would I ever dream of invading her "space".
Sometimes I feel her husband gets a little jealous of our relationship and kinda clams up at get togethers but, nothing uncomfortable.
My wife, on the other hand, throws the subject in my face at least once a month. I would have a better chance of getting MARTHA STEWART off on dirty sheets, than to convince my wife I only have eyes for her.
Ladies, what do you think??? Am I an asshole or just a friends friend????? Maybe I should suggest to my wife that we stop seeing the other couple.
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| July 10, 2006, 08:29 |
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Re: How to convince my wife..........
Is there such a thing as friendship between men and women? I don't know...
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| July 10, 2006, 08:49 |
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Re: Re: How to convince my wife..........
QUOTE (PeterPan73 @ July 10, 2006, 08:49)Is there such a thing as friendship between men and women? I don't know...
sexual tension
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| July 10, 2006, 08:55 |
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Re: Re: Re: How to convince my wife..........
QUOTE (Chazzy @ July 10, 2006, 08:55) QUOTE (PeterPan73 @ July 10, 2006, 08:49)Is there such a thing as friendship between men and women? I don't know...
Oh, I do feel that. Hey, I'm still a guy. Am I wrong in having those feelings????
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| July 10, 2006, 09:40 |
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Re: How to convince my wife..........
I think if you wife feels neglected, ignored, or feels that you pay way too much attention to someone else, you should quit doing that!
If your attention and flirtation with this female friend is making the two of you happy but making your spouses unhappy, then quit doing that!
If you really are a good friend to her, and she to you, then the both of you would not wanna ever do anything to each other that might cause problems. If you two are really good friends, then you would both be concerned about each other's spouses comfort and happiness.
I think it could be that you are not really "best friends" as you are two people with a high attraction to each other, and to let that interfere with your current SO's...
well.....quit doing that!
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| July 10, 2006, 09:52 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: How to convince my wife..........
I personally think there is nothing wrong with what you do......Its obviously who you are.....I would assume your wife knows that in her heart!.....
I am definitely for friendships!......And for some reason, I have always had really close male friends.....So I understand the idea behind women and men being friends and being able to draw the line where needed......
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| July 10, 2006, 09:56 |
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Re: How to convince my wife..........
I can agree with the "having friends" thing: Hubby has his and i have mine---- but that is who WE are.
Every relationship is different......people are different how they percieve things.
If your wife is uncomfortable with the situation and you only have eyes for her maybe you should at the least knock off the sexual comments to the female friend. From what you say two out of the four seem to be "uncomfortable with the situation.
Female lev
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| July 10, 2006, 12:10 |
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40something
56 / female
In the Sun, Arizona, US
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Re: How to convince my wife..........
It sounds like your wife feels insecure. Maybe you should show her the same attention you show this other woman - at least once while you are out together and see if you notice a change. It is certainly possible you don't see what she sees.
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| July 10, 2006, 12:40 |
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Re: How to convince my wife..........
If 2 out of 4 feel that way, I'd cool it if I were you. The next question would be is any of the unhappy people involved are armed...would hate to see ya on the evening news !!!
Male Lev...
 
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| July 10, 2006, 13:49 |
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Re: How to convince my wife..........
Wouldn't really know how to reply to that answer although Chazzy kinda covered it for me. I'm not one to say you gotta stop being friends with someone you been friends with for that long, etc. Maybe before going to see the couple with your wife, before you head out the door just tell her how much you love her and that no one could ever take her place (it'll probably catch her off-guard to say something like that to her, to reassure her, that she's got nothing to worry about). Just don't forget to pay attention to her too. Maybe even when you're with the couple, in the middle of the conversation say something that you've said to her before that you remember that made her heart melt (just so she knows you still think about that moment from way back when, and knows you're still thinking of her, etc... the list goes on).
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| July 10, 2006, 23:13 |
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Re: Re: How to convince my wife..........
QUOTE (bikerchick69 @ July 10, 2006, 23:13)Wouldn't really know how to reply to that answer although Chazzy kinda covered it for me. I'm not one to say you gotta stop being friends with someone you been friends with for that long, etc. Maybe before going to see the couple with your wife, before you head out the door just tell her how much you love her and that no one could ever take her place (it'll probably catch her off-guard to say something like that to her, to reassure her, that she's got nothing to worry about). Just don't forget to pay attention to her too. Maybe even when you're with the couple, in the middle of the conversation say something that you've said to her before that you remember that made her heart melt (just so she knows you still think about that moment from way back when, and knows you're still thinking of her, etc... the list goes on).
Thanks much sweety!!!! 
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| July 11, 2006, 10:35 |
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Re: How to convince my wife..........
You're a good man, VB....and I'm sure you're a good husband too!
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| July 12, 2006, 08:38 |
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argus
58 / male
ennis, England, UK
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Re: How to convince my wife..........
i have a lot of female friends it dosent bother my partner.
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| July 12, 2006, 15:59 |
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Re: Re: How to convince my wife..........
QUOTE (Chazzy @ July 12, 2006, 08:38)You're a good man, VB....and I'm sure you're a good husband too!
I know I am!! After 30 years of marriage, Ya start wondering about how you are perceived by your wife. Does she feel the same way about me as she did say, 20 years ago?
I love my wife dearly. The only problem is, I don't feel the "puppy love" for her as I did say, 30 years ago. Maybe I am infatuated by the "other woman" because we have much in common ect, but I would not jeopardize my marriage for anything. It's not worth it.
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| July 12, 2006, 17:25 |
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40something
56 / female
In the Sun, Arizona, US
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Re: Re: Re: How to convince my wife..........
QUOTE (voyeurbill @ July 12, 2006, 17:25) QUOTE (Chazzy @ July 12, 2006, 08:38)You're a good man, VB....and I'm sure you're a good husband too!
I know I am!! After 30 years of marriage, Ya start wondering about how you are perceived by your wife. Does she feel the same way about me as she did say, 20 years ago?
I love my wife dearly. The only problem is, I don't feel the "puppy love" for her as I did say, 30 years ago. Maybe I am infatuated by the "other woman" because we have much in common ect, but I would not jeopardize my marriage for anything. It's not worth it.
maybe you need to tell her that-- I know I would melt
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| July 12, 2006, 17:54 |
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Re: Re: Re: Re: How to convince my wife..........
QUOTE (40something @ July 12, 2006, 17:54) QUOTE (voyeurbill @ July 12, 2006, 17:25) QUOTE (Chazzy @ July 12, 2006, 08:38)You're a good man, VB....and I'm sure you're a good husband too!
I know I am!! After 30 years of marriage, Ya start wondering about how you are perceived by your wife. Does she feel the same way about me as she did say, 20 years ago?
I love my wife dearly. The only problem is, I don't feel the "puppy love" for her as I did say, 30 years ago. Maybe I am infatuated by the "other woman" because we have much in common ect, but I would not jeopardize my marriage for anything. It's not worth it.
maybe you need to tell her that-- I know I would melt
when something like this comes up again, maybe just somehow... NICELY mention that you dont feel so much of the 'puppy love' thing anymore and you want to try to get things rolling again. Add some excitement.. or have sex at least 2 times a week. I'd go for 5... maybe even 7 days a week but any would be just as good. Maybe when you mention the emptiness on the puppy love feelings, she'll say the same thing.  But after mentioning that to her.. TELL her.. that you wouldnt do anything to hurt her or harm the marriage in any way possible so she knows youre not thinking about seperating. Usually when someone gets that kind of talk, they're going to assume the worse, so be sure to point out that you're not going anywhere. Just want to figure out how the 2 of you could get things going again.
a trick i learned. It's called a sandwich... something or other along that line. What you do is this:
I love you...
I dont feel the puppy love feeling anymore... blah blah.
I love you...
Do you feel the same way?... blah blah blah.
I love you...
Read it somewhere. They say when you talk to someone about an issue that should get worked on, you want to also emphasize that you love them or whatever the case may be so they dont think you're just lashing out on them.
Make sense????
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| July 12, 2006, 23:04 |
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