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kuzineddy
64 / couple
billings, Montana, US
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Open and Honest?
I was married for 15yrs and the ex and I partied for 13 of them. We had a very open relationship . We attended some big parties in Seattle and Honolulu. I've been with current gf for ~7yrs and swinging isnt a factor to her. We've placed ads in oddyssey,SQ ect but when we get replies she backs out! When we fuck it sounds good but reality is scary to her and I'm ok with that.Its just that when those who respond to our ads get a reply from me saying gf changed her mind I sound like one of those ASSHOLES that advertise as a cpl just to be a sm lookin to get laid . I miss swinging and exploring and am ready to go solo.Any advice is welcomed. I feel we are her to live life
Not deal with it.
Mahalo & Aloha KE
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| May 6, 2006, 09:18 |
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nykitten
54 / female
Pawling, New York, US
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Re: Open and Honest?
My opinion, if she has not come to terms with swinging yet, she isn't going to.....Thats is not something you end up "talking" someone into......
If that is a big part of your life, than I feel you should be with someone who will welcome that idea!......
Good luck to you! 
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| May 6, 2006, 09:40 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Open and Honest?
Could she just be afraid because she doesn't understand how it all works, know what to expect, worried about the consequences to her relationship witt you?
Talking about a fantasy during sex is one thing, but when it comes to taking a fantasy into the real world, all details need to be discussed thoroughly. You need to make some rules, come to some understandings, discuss any fears, qualms, bring out any questions and doubts.
Tell ya what....I'll just send Pepper in here, and I'm bettin' she could discuss and explain this allot better than NYK and myself can!
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| May 6, 2006, 09:53 |
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pepper
55 / female
daytona, Florida, US
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Re: Open and Honest?
Ok, first off. You can't just place an ad and expect it to happen the first reply you get. It's going to take time. And that needs to be clearly stated in any ad or beginning replies that she does want to try, but is unsure of it and wants to take the time to get to know the person or persons. If they aren't willing to accomodate that, then that might not be the right person/people to start with. She may really want to do this but is scared. take it slow. As I have said before, the rules have to be laid down and clearly understood by all parties to be involved, you, her, and the third or thirds. maybe she'd be more comfortable with a woman only the first time, or just watching the other couple have sex at the same time you do, but not swapping, yet? There have to be limits too. If she doesn't want to do something(ie a total swap , anal, etc), then you can't make her, it will only do damage to your relationship.
Become friends with the other party or parties first. Make it clear that what will eventually happen, will be just that, eventual. Not, reply to one ad and go f*cking that night.
I'm going to post here, the rules that my husband and I go by. These are inflexible (for us) and the only way this works, but adjust them as you feel comfortable.
1) We never see that person or person's by our selves, either one of us. (this means, he does not meet a "her" for drinks if I am not with him and vice versa, but for him to meet the other "him" is ok, he just has to be alone)
2) both of us must like the proposed "third" or "couple" This doesn't happen overnight or in just one talk, it takes time and trust
3) if one of us says "no, I don't want to, I don't feel like it, etc", that's it. We'll try again another night or day, we can still go out and have fun without having sex.
The only people in our relationship is us. anyone we include for fun or sex, swapping, etc, is just that. included that time and not a permanent part of the "US".
swapping, orgies , third party sex, all of these are meant to be fun, if they're not, then it does not work for her and you might just have to accept that or move on. only you know what you are and are not willing to accept or do for her and if it winds up making you resent her or feel stifled, then I'm sorry to be blunt, but she's not the one for you, nor you for her.
I hope this helps and feel free to PM me with any other questions, I'll be more than happy to help in any way I can!
Pepper
  
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| May 7, 2006, 11:51 |
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just4urplsur
57 / male
platte city, Missouri, US
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Re: Open and Honest?
Thanks pepper that does clear up a few things for me 
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| May 10, 2006, 09:49 |
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