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missnsex
52 / male
rochester, New York, US
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Going through some tough times..advice?
I recently started a new job some 250 miles from home. My wife and two kids (4mnths and 2 yrs) are back at the old locale and I am on my own. I travel back on weekends (
not all, looking for a house here) and love the time with the fam, always wanting more when I leave. My most difficult dilemma is our sex life. I make my wife very aware of how I am feeling and what I need but it all seems to fall on deaf ears. Most weekends don't involve sex, but not from lack of discussion. Mostly b/c she is just not interested. When it does happen it is always a quickie and she is off to "keeping busy". A lot of times I feel like she does this (busy work) to avoid talking and seriously examining the problem. We talk on the phone several times daily and I have tried to initiate phone sex to no avail. She has suggested going to a sex therapist but then balks at actually doing it. There is no time, we have more important things to do, can't fin weekend hours...She has always had an issue with sex (at least since our wedding night she has). Her claims are that it makes her want to pee, it's gross and dirty, and she will almost only do it in the shower where she is clean and can easily clean up again. Please help with any suggestions or insight.
 
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| November 13, 2008, 00:15 |
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azcapt
79 / male
phoenix, Arizona, US
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Re: Going through some tough times..advice?
QUOTE (missnsex @ November 13, 2008, 00:15)
I recently started a new job some 250 miles from home. My wife and two kids (4mnths and 2 yrs) are back at the old locale and I am on my own. I travel back on weekends (
not all, looking for a house here) and love the time with the fam, always wanting more when I leave. My most difficult dilemma is our sex life. I make my wife very aware of how I am feeling and what I need but it all seems to fall on deaf ears. Most weekends don't involve sex, but not from lack of discussion. Mostly b/c she is just not interested. When it does happen it is always a quickie and she is off to "keeping busy". A lot of times I feel like she does this (busy work) to avoid talking and seriously examining the problem. We talk on the phone several times daily and I have tried to initiate phone sex to no avail. She has suggested going to a sex therapist but then balks at actually doing it. There is no time, we have more important things to do, can't fin weekend hours...She has always had an issue with sex (at least since our wedding night she has). Her claims are that it makes her want to pee, it's gross and dirty, and she will almost only do it in the shower where she is clean and can easily clean up again. Please help with any suggestions or insight.
Stop being so fussy--even a golden shower is better than no shower at all---lol-and two in the shower is so much easier when you need your back scrubbed afterwards, enjoy it while you can.
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| November 13, 2008, 16:49 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Going through some tough times..advice?
Oh yeah, the mismatched sex drive prob...it's more common than you might think, and often it's on and off during a long term relationship (due to health, environmental stresses)
Keep pushing for the counseling, maybe not jump right into the sex therapy, go for couple counseling, to overall improve the marriage and communication.
Men and women are just so different, there's so much that is just mixed signals, missed signals, and miscommunication. It just may be that you both are trying very hard, but just not getting something important through to each other, a third party, a counselor can help fix that.
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| November 17, 2008, 16:41 |
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missnsex
52 / male
rochester, New York, US
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Re: Going through some tough times..advice?
azcapt: thanks for the slap in the face,lol,i needed that.
chazzy: your insight and wisdom are appreciated and are being heeded. dont want to settle and will not give up!!
Thanks 
ps chazzy was hoping you would reply. have seen your other posts in forum and value your insight (like site therapist kinda)
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| November 17, 2008, 19:31 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Going through some tough times..advice?
I read this the day you posted, but wanted to wait till I had the proper time for a proper reply.
I do like that you do take marriage and commitment seriously and that you have the desire to work it all out.
Too many, I think....have the attitude that marriage is a "Oh well if it doesn't work out, we can always divorce" kind of thing. I appreciate someone who values matrimony.
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| November 17, 2008, 20:20 |
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missnsex
52 / male
rochester, New York, US
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Re: Going through some tough times..advice?
to be blunt, marraige is kinda like taking acid. once you say ok there is no turning back. good times or bad, you just gotta ride it out. if you just enjoy it its great, but dont take it too serious cuz that will mess you up.and a helping hand is always appreciated when you get confused.
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| November 17, 2008, 22:52 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Going through some tough times..advice?
So often, a lack of sex or sex drive isn't the actual problem, but more like a symptom of a problem, it takes time to work through it. Could be physical, could be something else all together.
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| November 18, 2008, 21:56 |
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ashkats
64 / couple
crystal falls, Michigan, US
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Re: Going through some tough times..advice?
seem to be in the same boat , have u tried the reverse? and not ask her for it? mine seems to have no interest either since they gave her this shot in the spine and i noticed 3 days later something was different, ya ask hey want to go get laid and its like she dont hear ya or u are being ignored? medication could be a factor too im dealing with migrains and firbermielga after we were rear ended a few years ago
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| November 28, 2008, 20:02 |
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User no longer registered.
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Re: Going through some tough times..advice?
shoot people what is the point of getting married or having a steady if you cant get laid every now and then ,I am 44 years old and single and lack of sexual satisfaction ie lack of willing partners , is something I will always feel shitty about as my life goes forward still enjoy life but feel kinda disapointed in that regard ,just my two cents.
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| December 25, 2008, 22:32 |
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azcapt
79 / male
phoenix, Arizona, US
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Re: Going through some tough times..advice?
QUOTE (missnsex @ November 13, 2008, 00:15)
I recently started a new job some 250 miles from home. My wife and two kids (4mnths and 2 yrs) are back at the old locale and I am on my own. I travel back on weekends (
not all, looking for a house here) and love the time with the fam, always wanting more when I leave. My most difficult dilemma is our sex life. I make my wife very aware of how I am feeling and what I need but it all seems to fall on deaf ears. Most weekends don't involve sex, but not from lack of discussion. Mostly b/c she is just not interested. When it does happen it is always a quickie and she is off to "keeping busy". A lot of times I feel like she does this (busy work) to avoid talking and seriously examining the problem. We talk on the phone several times daily and I have tried to initiate phone sex to no avail. She has suggested going to a sex therapist but then balks at actually doing it. There is no time, we have more important things to do, can't fin weekend hours...She has always had an issue with sex (at least since our wedding night she has). Her claims are that it makes her want to pee, it's gross and dirty, and she will almost only do it in the shower where she is clean and can easily clean up again. Please help with any suggestions or insight.
Have you tried getting a job closer to home--lonelyness has a lot to do with not wanting to have sex . Maybe your wife feels like you only want her for weekends and not being their during the week can be a problem. You have to realize what she is going through also--the kids , the house , the bills are all her responsibility with you not being their. If something goes wrong at the house who is their to fix it ??? Be carefull, even the plumber can snake the pipes clean, and the mailman can deliver the male on time. Whats more important a good paying job and no family time or a job that gets you buy and still have time for the family ---THINK ABOUT IT.---GOOD LUCK in whatever decision the both of you make.
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| December 28, 2008, 17:14 |
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